And yet, for so many people living with addictive behaviour, it happens. Not randomly, not without warning — but at the end of a quiet, persuasive conversation they had with themselves. A conversation that felt reasonable. Logical, even. One that promised relief and buried the consequences somewhere they couldn't quite see.
In my work with clients, I've noticed something that doesn't get talked about enough. Before the drink is poured, before the bet is placed, before the behaviour takes hold — there is a negotiation. An internal back-and-forth where the mind slowly, skilfully, talks itself into acting out.
You've had a hard week. Just this once. Nobody will know. You'll stop again on Monday.
Sound familiar?
This negotiation is not a sign of weakness. It is a pattern — learned, practised, and deeply grooved. And the moment a person learns to recognise it, something shifts. Because a negotiation you can see is a negotiation you can interrupt.
This is something I am exploring in depth in my upcoming book — looking at how awareness of that internal conversation, combined with practical tools from CBT and the support of community, can create a very different outcome.
If this resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you. And if you'd like to be among the first to hear more as the book develops, drop me a message or sign up below.
You are not alone in this. And the conversation in your head? It can change.